Lately

I haven't been writing much. But I have been reading! Even if I don't leave a comment, I am still following many of your blogs, and enjoy reading them so much!

Everything that I have written lately has been too angry to post on here. I'm actually not entirely sure where all this anger is coming from.

One thing, i'm sure, is stress. Money issues. I'm not broke. But I'm not really able to save anything or start paying my parents back yet. I'm not always getting enough hours at work.
I don't mind some of the cost cutting things i have ddone in the last year or two. Such as, I worn't buy anything from a department store. I don't need the clothes if they are going to cost more than twenty dollars. Thrift stores and consignment stores are my new best friends. And I LOVE that. I don't want to contribute to the wasteful economy.
But what is really stressful about this whole money thing then??
Maybe it's all in my head.

The weird thing is, I don't really feel stressed out. Yet I know I am. Am I making any sense?

I also know I have been depressed lately. Not stuck in the dark gloomy days that are severe depressive episodes... just a little off.

Well that is probably also to do with trying to find a job or internship in a field that I actually care about. Maybe I am being too picky... but I just feel like I have spent long enough doing things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things, and I want that to change. I am eager for that to change. And when I see how little opportunity there is out there for people like me, it makes me scared.

The other issue is friends. I have a lot of work friends. And while I wouldn't trade these people for anything in the world, they are mostly just that--work friends. I am starting to wish that I knew more people in similar situations as I. People who really care about people. People who care about the environment, God, or really just have a passion for something.
I so often feel that my generation is apathetic and ambivilant to the direction their lives take.

I'm just at a weird middle ground in my life right now.
I'm yearning for more substance in my life. More meaningful people.

I'm not so depressed, I think. Maybe it is just sadness. Being scared.
It's the anger that I worry about. I have had too short of a temper for the last few weeks. And I'm not good at expressing it. In fact, I usually cry when I get angry because I don't yell.
*******
I dropped Jonathan off at the train station today. He is going to visit his parents for a family reunion. It's a surprise to his mom that he is coming. I think it's sweet.
I couldn't make it. Too short of notice for work, and I can't afford it.
He has been home so often recently that it is weird for him to be away.
I have a bad feeling about all this for some reason... I don't want to write out why because it sounds stupid... but I am just going to pray that his travels will be safe.

Update on jobs and such

I finally started, I mean REALLY started, looking for those so called "real" jobs.
Well, sort of.
Today I mostly applied to unpaid internships.
These particular unpaid internships would be just fine because they would only require 10-15hrs a week. I could easily do that and work at TJ's just as often as I am now. I would actually enjoy have a bit more to do. Oddly enough, when I have a million things going on in my life, I find that I can get more things done more easily.
Well, the internships I applied for today are right up my alley, but I'm not sure I'm totally qualified for them. Apparently the whole Grant writing thing falls under Communications. Which is NOT my degree. In my cover letter, I basically explained that I am an English major with skills that would qualify me for this position...
Hopefully they read those instead of just dropping my resume because of a stupid qualification like what my degree was. :) But seriously. Grant writing is research and writing. Mostly. That is what I spent the last five years doing! And I love it. I'm good at it. And more importantly, I actually have a passion for making education better for children.

I applied at the Children's museum, which sounds super fun. And also at a Working families organization. Both organizations are centered around learning. It might not be formal classroom learning, but it is an important aspect to many kids lives. Not to mention it is a step in the right direction for me.

So, hopefully I will hear back from them soon. I will keep looking though. For internships and jobs.

Anyway. I have been reading this really good book lately, it's called Little, Big.
More about it later. I gotta go to work.

Why does everything I touch fall apart??!!

No really! What the heck?
The other day I broke the lawn mower... all I did was start it, and snap... broken.
Then at work... about fifteen minutes after I got there... CRASH

I knocked over a display of wine just behind where I was going to do the tasting! I only broke about ten bottles... which really was impressive considering the mess...
and of course it was ALL OVER ME! My pants and shoes and socks were SOAKED with wine all day. Thank God it was white wine!!!!!!!!!

Today, someone at work thought it would be a good idea to stick me in the demo station... basically the kitchen. I managed to not break anything of real value... just a pair of scissors, because, well, spilled cream EVERYWHERE really isn't breaking something, right?

I just don't know where I learned how to be so dang graceful. I mean, this is a pretty normal occurrence... along with hitting my head on anything available and frequently having the possibility of a concussion. I'm talented. Really.

Anyway, just some random ramblings for the time being... I'm not nearly tired enough to sleep. I've been having the weirdest sleep schedule lately. Last night I was up til like four or five just because I wasn't tired. Then of course I sleep til noon. I think it is my body's way of dealing with the warmth... my bedroom is the coolest room in the house til after noon.

So here is something random. I've been thinking A LOT about babies! BABIES!!! I know it will be awhile before we seriously consider having one... because, well, we have no money. And I am still young. Blah blah blah. All I can think about is BABIES!!! We have been seeing so many cute little pregnant women in our store lately. Or tiny newborn babies!!! They are just sooo dang cute!!!
But I know they are a lot of work... and maybe I'm not ready for that yet... but I can still daydream, can't I? :)

well, it's been random :)

Breaktime!

Summer weather is almost always just too dang hot for me. I really am a Minnesota gal who loves her snow! Jonathan and I keep saying we need to move farther north so we don't have to deal with these inferno-like summers.
It's not all bad though. I have realized just how much I love to garden this year! I still can't believe how lucky Jonathan and I are to be able to have this cute little house at so cheap! I LOVE having a yard. I even like doing yardwork. Although... I did break the lawn mower again :(
That thing just hates me! I look at it and it falls apart, I swear! But anyway, I pulled the starter string thinger, and it started (surprisingly!) and then the string thinger just flew out! It almost hit me in the face! Well, since it started, I figured I would still mow the lawn... maybe for the last time?
I don't know how to fix a freakin lawn mower!!!!
And I think my landlord has been a bit preoccupied... we asked him to come look at a dead tree that is in the MIDDLE of our backyard, because, well, we don't want it there anymore... but that hasn't happened yet. I mean, really, it's only been two months!
He is good about more urgent things though... like when the washing machine broke, it was fixed the next day... so I really shouldn't complain :)

I pulled up a TON of weeds from the garden today. I had let it go a bit since I was sick this past week... nothing serious, but a lot of sleep was needed.
AND! I have my baby yellow heirloom tomatoes!!! So excited to eat them! I'm going to make a salad later with them and Kale from my garden too!!
One of our good friends brought over some goodies for Jonathan and I after Jon did him a favor, and included were some herb plants :) Since I already have a lot in the garden, I decided to pot them and put them on the ledge by the window in the kitchen. They smell so good! We have spicy oregano, lavender, sage, and thyme :) All the basil is outside.
Funny story about that... and my eggplants-- Before we put the fence up, the rabbits had a feast on my basil and eggplants. They ate them right down to the ground! And so I, being new to gardening, bought new plants. I bought four more eggplants, and another lemon basil, and another regular basil. Well... they all grew back!!! Or mostly anyway. I now have FOUR basil plants, and SIX eggplants!!!!
I am going to making baba ganoush like a crazy woman once those eggplants start coming in!!! And as for the basil, I am trying to think of ways to use it in more things... I will dry some of it once I can use the oven without passing out again... but for now, tonight maybe some bruschetta with basil on top as well at tomato?? Or I'll start making more pizzas...
My favorite easy cheesy pizza to make:
Use a flatbread (I always use Naan because we have it in abundance in our freezer)
fresh mozzerella balls cut in half (sometimes I get the marinated ones... yum!!!) a bit of olive oil, one tomato, sliced, and some basil.
Toss it all on there, put it in the oven til the cheese is melty and delicious, then eat!!!!!

And... I just realized I am super hungry now!
:)

Crepes, Mini Golf. Karate Kid.

I went to bed happy last night.
The three previous days at work had been great! They reminded me of why I like my job.
I was also really excited to wake up.
It may be incredibly dorky... It IS, actually... but I was excited for breakfast. :) I made crepes for the first time EVER! I haven't even eaten a crepe since I was younger and my mom would make them at the cabin every once in awhile... but they were my favorite!! Anyway, I had some left over buttermilk from the scones that I made earlier this week ( apparently I am feeling very courageous in the kitchen lately), and I couldn't think of a better way to use it up. I made my favorite kind too--cinnamon and sugar. They were only missing a little boysenberry sauce :) I also bought more coffee (finally!), and cream so that just added to the greatness of the morning. afternoon. OK, I slept in til noon! (Did I mention yet that today was fabulous?)
After a nice slow wakeup with delicious breakfast and coffee, I played in the garden for a little while, made salsa (using jalapenos from my garden!), and then cleaned up the kitchen a bit. I know this part doesn't sound all that fun... and please don't tell my boyfriend this... but it can be a bit therapeutic to clean the kitchen. :) Ok, well really only after making delicious food.
Jonathan and I ran a few errands, made some stir fry for a late lunch, and then went to the most AWESOME put put course in the world!!!
And, sadly, I forgot what it is called. I'll mention it in a later post, because you all have to go check it out, but I am nice and cozy in front of a fan right now... it was a bit of a drive, but it is essentially a sculpture garden turned into a mini golf course! And I don't even have pictures!!! It was really a cool place. The guy likes horses. He even has a few. Along with the goats, chickens, and of course a warthog! (He was my favorite!) It's really just a place that I could spend a whole day at without getting bored. Oh, and he also has an organic garden... farm? I don't know. There were A LOT of plants.
Anyway. It was super cool! I think I will have to take some other people there, and I cannot forget my camera next time!
So then Jonathan and I rented the Karate Kid. He had wanted to see the original one. I think that I had watched it once upon a time... but come on, the movie came out before I was born! I didn't remember it. It was pretty great to make fun of those AWESOME eighties outfits though! And it really isn't a bad movie! It will be interesting to see how it was remade... but I won't see that until it comes out... is it even still in theaters??? I really have no idea. Sometimes Jonathan is my only link to the world outside of my madness :) Not having a television really cuts back on my knoledge of current events and celbrity gossip... :)

Oh, and I also tried my first bottle of Amarone (wine made from dried grapes.. not quite raisins yet though, I think) and I really didn't like it. That's right. I didn't like a bottle of wine *Gasp! I didn't even drink said bottle of wine! *Gasp!
For real though. It was too bitter, or something. I actually thought it might have been corked, because it smelled kind of vinegary... but it didn't taste anything like vinegar. Just like grossness.
So I ate a tub of icecream instead! :)

Freckles

Mid-summer my face is completely freckled. I have been spending so much time outside this summer, and although I don't do well in warm weather I am remembering just how much fun summer can be.
Gardening is my new favorite pastime, and I'm really excited because we just got out first peppers! We also have a really big black raspberry bush that someone planted before we moved here. Delicious! Then, of course there is the lettuce... fresh salads everyday! YUM!

I made scones for the first time today. They turned out really well! I made a BUNCH! I'm gonna bring some to work today so I don't eat them all. It was a great recipe that I got from Jonathan's mom.

I have been reading a lot lately too. This week I got a little behind. But I am almost done with We. Which, by the way, is really interesting. It is a 1984 type novel. Dystopian. I should also mention that it was written before 1984.

Anyway. I haven't had much time for blogging. Well, mostly I just haven't felt like writing.

Work is still frustrating. I need to find another job. At least so that this one is not the only thing on my mind. But I do love having the mornings open for baking and gardening :)

Well, that is all for now.