Friday, April 1, 2011

Why does our breakup feel all the more fresh every time I take a step forward in life?

I'm moving into my own place tomorrow!  And I am really excited!  It will be my own, little space to set up how I want.  It is a move of independence.  But today I can't stop crying. 
It doesn't help that I am sick again, and missed work.  Being frequently sick does not mesh well with a very physical job.  It needs to stop.
But all I can think about today is how heartbroken I am.  I know that I left him, but my heart still hurts.  I know it has been months... but we dated for years, and I thought it would last... so months don't really matter.
I get so angry thinking about all this!  I blame him, then myself.  It's just a crappy place to be.
And I can't help wondering why it is all coming up now, when I am supposed to be happy and moving on with my life.  I just went through six months of hell and I am picking up the pieces of it and it is finally all coming together.  But I can't be happy because everytime something happy happens I just think of him.  And I miss him, and I hate him, and love him all at the same time.