Monday, June 28, 2010

Stressed again

Work is getting to me. It is pretty crazy right now. By crazy I just mean incredibly frustrating. I need to find myself a new job. This one is great for part time. Really. But I just have to have more to think about than gossip and groceries.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Books, books, books! And camping.

I've been reading a bit lately. More than I thought I would right after reading all those Eliot novels anyway. I finished the painted bird. It became much less horrifying shortly after I wrote that last post. The ending had something reminiscent of happiness. Although, to be honest, I wasn't really satisfied with it. I'm not going to spoil anything here, so lets just say that it wasn't much of an ending.
The most interesting thing in the novel is the boy's view of the red army. The Russian soviet party.
I don't think that I had ever read anything from a favorable point of view on the Soviets. It sparked a lot of interesting conversations between Jonathan and I.

I just started a chuck palaneuk book called diary. His books are a bit notorious for being, lets say, out of the ordinary or maybe a bit shocking. I was considering taking a break from messed up books, but this one happened to be sitting next to my bed the other night when I couldn't sleep. It's pretty entertaining so far. I think this is one of his more comic ones...

Jonathan and I went camping with a friend this last weekend up to Highbridge Wisconsin. It is basically disc golf heaven! Mile upon mile of walking through beautiful country, as much disc golf as you can physically play, hundreds of woodticks (ok, maybe just ten each), and lot's of beer, and my favorite part--NIGHT GOLF!!! Night disc golf is SOOOOO much fun! You get to put little LED lights on your frisbe, and then if you are me, you get it stuck in five trees, and then have to climb them to get it down.
Pretty much, it was a blast! There were some fun people up there as well. Such as the drunken shirtless men... they were very entertaining... and drunk.
It was just so nice to be away from the city, and away from work for three days. Sleep in a tent on rock hard ground, and eat food cooked over an open fire.
I really love camping, but this was actually only my second, legitimate, time going.
We have always had a cabin. My parents bought it when I was two, and I spent the entirety of my summers there growing up. Of course my friends and I would occasionally set up a tent across the lake and stay there for the night just for fun. But a bed and home cooked meal were just a mile walk away.
A lot of people see me as outdoorsy. And they tend to be really surprised that I haven't been camping often. The truth is, I would love to. I just don't have a lot of people to go with.
I'm still waiting for that big boundary waters expedition whenever I meet someone who knows what they are doing.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Can't sleep

Work was utterly exhausting today, but I still can't seem to calm my mind or relax enough to get some sleep. I have been reading that Kosinsky novel. It is so disturbing. It is horrifying, really. There are parts in it that are so terrible and disgusting that I can't get them out of my head.
There are just so many things wrong with what is happening in that book.
But I might still think it is a good book.
I think Kosinsky is trying to convey the horror that a child roaming around Eastern Europe during the second world war would have felt, seen, experienced.
Some of it really makes me want to puke, or throw the book across the room.
It is an emotionally wrenching novel.
Parts of it have made me cry.
That may be part of why I can't sleep.

I wouldn't recommend this one for anyone with a week stomach or to anyone that has a hard time erasing terrible images from their mind.
I'm determined to finish it. I'm actually almost done if I can convince myself to pick it up again.
I was going to read Kafka next... but I don't know if a dystopian novel would be the best followup to this. Maybe I need a nice relaxing, fun one in between...


It's no secret that I have gained nearly thirty pounds in the last two years... pretty much since getting my job at a grocery store. To be honest, I NEEDED to gain some weight. ( I know I know, weird for a woman to say that!) But I was too thin. Lack of sleep, working fifty hours a week, and going to school full time will do that to you I guess.
Anyway. A woman that I work with just did this detox diet thing. It's one designed by Natalia Rose called Detox 4 Women. It is, I guess, gentler and healthier than most detox diet things... eating real food and no extra time on the toilet!
But more to the point. My friend says (and looks) that she feels so much better! She has more color to her face, more energy, and just all around feels great.
Lately I have been struggling with finding enough energy to do just simple things. Since I was sick for a few months and never found out what was wrong I have been taking my vitamin B12 and D, which is supposed to help... but it's not a cure all.
I'm thinking what could be the harm in ridding my body of excess toxins?
But what I get hung up on is the "diet" aspect of it. I have never gone on a diet in my life. I'm just one of those lucky girls that has a high metabolism, and eats relatively healthy (most of the time) and since I have always been active, I have never even really tried specifically to lose weight.
I don't think that is the main point of this idea either. It would be nice to turn some fat into muscle, or maybe drop a few pounds... nothing major though. This is more about feeling better. Having energy. Feeling healthy. Actually being healthy.
The detox diet thing is for 28 days. After that, you just have some new healthy recipes and a better idea of what you should be putting in your body. Eating more raw foods, but not having to ONLY eat raw foods.
Another thing that I worry about is that I don't know if this could potentially make my weight fluctuate more... not the actual diet. Let me explain-
so most people who go on a generic diet gain the weight back after they are done. Would that happen to me? and if so, could that potentially spark a constant problem with fluctuating weight, which is something that I know many women in my family deal with. My current weight fluctuates within ten pounds every week. Could that get more severe if I start messing with my diet??
I just really don't know. I don't thing so. But I am hesitant to commit myself to 28 days.
I think I may buy the book, and then decide.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Finished Heart of Darkness today..

Not gonna lie, this story confused me!
I may have been too distracted by the absolute savagery depicted of Mr. Kurtz.. but What?!!
OK. So first thing I found interesting was that it is written to sound unreliable. The narrator is not the one telling the story. He is hearing it from a person who seems to tell some tall tales.
Another thing that I found interesting was the complete lack of some information. It's true, there is a reason for it according to the story teller: he doesn't want to tell information about the trading company that he is not supposed to tell.
And (warning this is a bit of a spoiler.. even though you still won't know what is going on at this point in the story) I still don't understand why the storyteller wasn't killed by his crew. Or really why they wanted to kill him in the first place.
It was a disturbing tale, I'll give it that. It's basically about the grotesque savagery that can take place without civilization mixed with (I think) a bit of criticism about European imperialism...
And that is really all I have to say about that one.

Next on the list, Jerzy Kosinski's The Painted Bird. I've read Being There by him, and it was a hilarious political satire. It's really short, entertaining, and easy to read, so I would recommend that one to anybody!
This one sounds really interesting though. He wrote it in 1965, and it takes place during WWII.
One thing to point out about Kosinski is that his "Being There" was quite possibly some one else's story completely. I don't know if it was ever determined for certain, but most likely he ripped of the story. He is still a great writer though. And I am excited to read something a bit more contemporary from an author that I know is decent.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Hanging out with my best friend is going to make me fat

I have had a wonderful week.
A surprisingly wonderful week!
I had been feeling a bit down again lately. My back is fucked. Excuse the language. But it is. My SI joints are all flared up again, and it makes it hard to walk, stand, sit, basically-live. And I started feeling dizzy again... like I had been feeling for months. I got freaked out that it was going to last forever again.
Luckily, it hasn't. And although my back is sore and I am in constant pain, I have had some fun this week. And it's only Tuesday!!!
Yesterday, my good friend and I went out. It was her birthday a week or so ago, and I had to buy her b-day present... so we went to Half priced books.
A dangerous place for her and me!
We even found a Pink Floyd album (which I let the birthday girl have). I bought a few books for myself too!
Then we went to our favorite place for dinner- Good Earth. All natural delicious food! And every time we go there we end up eating WAY TOO MUCH! And of course have a bottle of wine :)
Well, I had a delicious pasta dish with artichokes, roasted tomatoes, and a white wine sauce, and I think she had pasta with shrimp. We skipped dessert for another glass of wine at a different bar before we went to Sex and the City.
Ok ok. It wasn't very good. But it was a fun night out with my best girl friend!!!
So, her and I had similar work schedules this week, which never happens, so we got together today too!
We ran some fun errands, like buying ballet shoes for her because she is taking an adult ballet class this summer. She danced from the time she could walk until she went to college. Her mom owns a dance studio. I'm so excited that she is doing what she loves again!!!
Then we decided to make dinner.
oh man. It was delicious!! Flatbread turned pizza with tomatoes, basil from the garden, and marinated mozzarella balls :) And of course we couldn't skip out on dessert two nights in a row.
Fudge brownie cheesecake.
I'm seriously going to gain twenty pounds if we keep hanging out like this!
But it was delicious. And a nice bottle of Canard Zin to go with it!
It was lighter than I had expected, or it started out that way. But then you get a nice vanilla-cherry flavor, with a zing of spice at the end. So delicious!

Also, I am going to start writing an order at work, which means a bit more responsibility and something a little different than what i am used to . It should be a nice change. And I am also getting to do the wine tastings again!! (in case you couldn't tell!) I am trying some new ones... but I still have to come up with three whites for tomorrow... and I'm not a big white wine drinker. In fact, I am just starting to enjoy whites. Yesterday, I had a nice Chenin Blanc from South Africa. It was from a coop. Hand picked. And I have been enjoying Sauv blancs from New Zealand's Marlborough county. Nice grapefruity crisp wines for the summer. :)
Ok, so pretty much I have been eating and drinking all week, and enjoying it SO much!
And I don't mind the rain because my garden is loving it!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


When we first moved into our duplex, our upstairs neighbors were awesome. We hardly knew they were there except for the occasional run in outside, or the kitty paws pattering on the floor when it decided to run around like crazy. But even that you wouldn't usually notice. They were super nice every time I saw them.
They moved out at the end of May.
Our new neighbors... well... the guy is nice.
I'm trying so hard not to make judgments on the girl. They are probably my age. Maybe even younger.
Lets just say she did not make a good first impression. She acted bitchy and rude and stuck up the two times that I have seen her. I say it that way because we have never talked. The first time, she completely ignored me as I said hi, and her boyfriend responded. She interrupted him. And the second time, well, I think she may have said hi, but it could have also been to the person she was on the phone with, who was severely yelled at a few minutes later.
OK. So she may be really stressed about moving. She wouldn't be the first person to act a little crazy because of that. Or maybe she was having a bad day. Twice.
I am just worried because I CANNOT deal with neighbors even a fraction as bad as the ones at the old apartment. They made me hate my life. I couldn't sleep because they were always yelling or banging on the floor or something. Basically, we just couldn't live like that. And I don['t want to be reminded of them, or worse, have to deal with people like them again.
I know that I am getting a little preemptively angry here, but I am just worried.