Sunday, August 8, 2010

Just stuff

I think I forgot to mention in the last blog that the reason Jonathan and I argued for so long about the issue at hand is that we are both extremely stubborn and opinionated. No feelings are left hurt about the argument. It was more of a debate really.

Anyway, work has been a bit difficult to get through lately. My shoulder and neck are still killing me... but since "nothing" is wrong, I'm totally fine to work. Although, I am a bit worried because the top of my shoulder started shooting pain down my arm... hmm..
I'm also becoming increasingly frustrated with aspects of my job. And, since I am me, I become frustrated because I am frustrated with a grocery store. Lame.

I just want to find a job that I actually care about.

I'm still looking, trust me. But I think I need to broaden my career choice. Not really sure how.

The warm weather blows. Someone at work yesterday was saying that sometimes they enjoy a cloudy day to just sit inside and relax. I laughed and said I enjoy a cloudy day because I will go out and spend it in the garden or at the cliffs... doing something active and outside. It's the warm sunny days that drive me inside to sit in my giant chair next to the AC :)
Although, to be fair.. if I had a lake to swim in... I might enjoy those days a bit more. And I do get dragged out of the house by my own boredom on those days.

I am so restless yet at the same time completely exhausted lately. I have been in a funk where I'm just not getting the rest that I need.

Insomnia affects every aspect of my life. The first couple days of minimal to no sleep, I'm completely running on adrenaline. I get a spark of creativity, and therefore avoid all chores that need to be done in order to pain or draw or make a book. Shortly after that, I'm just totally drained. I have had a hard time knowing the day this week. I thought yesterday was sunday.
I can't keep things straight. There is no set series of events in my mind when I don't sleep. Things just randomly float into a place that doesn't make much sense.
I lose focus.
I lose balance. Dexterity.
My reaction time slows. I get hurt at work. I stop making sense.

Ok. I could go on about this for hours.

I'm still reading Little Big by John Crowely. It's really interesting and I like it, but it's been hard for me to read lately. He is really a fantastic writer though. The syntax is beautiful.
I actually think that I mostly like it because he writes like a British author. Does that sound too portentous?? I just mean that he writes in the same style of books that I love.


  1. I think it's good that you and Jonathon can have such passionate discussions. :) Life would be pretty boring if we all just agreed over everything and didn't have our individual opinions.

    I hope you feel better and that you don't give up on yourself. You are such an inspirational person and have way too much to offer. You will find where your suppose to be just may be where you least expect it! XXX