Friday, November 19, 2010

I've started having panic attacks again.  Not as bad as before... but when it comes to panic attacks, is there really a point in measuring severity?
I had one at work yesterday.  I managed to keep it to myself even though I felt like I couldn't breath for what seemed like an hour.  It was probably twenty minutes.
The thing that really freaks me out, though, is the thought that I am turning in to my old crazy self.  I've always been terrified that I would become like that again.  And I'm showing all the signs of it happening.
I don't sleep much.  I'm losing weight like crazy. Which, as hard as it may be to believe, is not fun when it happens on accident. And my anxiety is off the charts.
It shouldn't come as much of a surprise, considering all the stress I am putting myself through lately.

I guess it really is completely different from before.  The fact that I kept it under control yesterday should prove that to me.
I also feel like I have a closer network of friends this time.  I actually feel like this won't be permanent and I will be okay.
I didn't have that last time.

One day at a time, I guess.


  1. I'm praying for you dear cousin! If you ever need a pick me up you can watch me and Jaclyn make asses of ourselves in our video! :)

    I love you!

  2. ((((Kaitlyn)))) I hate these battles of yours. I pray that you would be set free of these things that bind you. I also think that part of what makes you such a sweet amazing person is that you have such a tender heart...and these experiences that make you understand hard times. I think your ability to get through it yesterday shows that you have come a long ways. I am looking forward to seeing you. Sending you love and hugs. XX

  3. Thank you both so much! I don't know if you realize how much you words mean to me. And thank you for the prayers! Love you both!