Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hello again.

First of all, thank you all for sweet comments about my cousin's baby. I know she is a very strong woman, and if anyone can tackle this she can... and she has a wonderful loving husband to boot!

This past week has been my own personalized version of hell.
I thought I was going to completely lose it.

The crazy thing is, I'm kind of okay now. I just cried it all out I guess. Catharsis can be a cure in itself I guess...

There have been more and more days where I feel like I just want to crawl in a whole and disappear for a long long time. And less and less days where I smile.

Work... a grocery store! How can a grocery store be so stressful??

And, there are two people that I DO NOT LIKE. I don't necessarily have to love everyone I meet, but it is very weird for me to not get along with someone, and even weirder for me to actually strongly dislike a person. And right now, there are two. I don't even know what to think about that!

Money... enough said.

A MILLION OTHER THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I just have to let it all go. I can't control every aspect of my life, and I just have to accept that. I just have to get the energy enough to do some laundry, maybe make some food, and scrub the shower.

Yesterday, I woke up at eleven. It was my first full day off in over two weeks, and probably my last before Thanksgiving. It was a great day, and I had a lot of fun. Pretty relaxing actually. And I went to bed at eleven. I didn't take any sedatives, or drink or anything. I just went to bed. As nice as it is to be able to fall asleep naturally and not lay in bed awake for hours... it's usually a bad sign when it does happen... especially when it happens multiple times in a week. It either means I'm getting sick, or so stressed out and exhausted that my body is not getting what it needs...
Well, I know the second one is true, I just hope I'm not getting sick too.

As many great and awesome things that are happening right now (like my internship... and well, anything involving my internship) I can't help feeling like crap about my life right now. I'm broke. I'm stressed. I want to get paid for working two jobs... well I really just want to work one of them (take a guess which) and get paid for it. I want to feel safe in my house. I want my boyfriend to be happy. I want to stop feeling depressed. and anxious.

I spoke with a friend today about her alcohol problems. A few of us approached her about it... she wasn't expecting it. She was really angry at first, but after quite a few tears she said she was relieved. She was relieved that she could get help... that she could feel better... that this could be rock bottom for her--it won't get worse--or if it does it can still get better. The kind of relief that only comes from the cathartic release of everything inside. All those pent up feelings ready to burst.
I'm so happy with how the whole thing went, and that my friend took a huge step today in getting the help that she needs. She enrolled in a type of program. She asked us to help hold her accountable until she can manage more on her own.
This week has just been crazy. And I think by week I mean two weeks...


  1. WOW! Praying for you! Hope the next week is better!

    Lets get together soon!

  2. ((((((Kaitlyn)))))) What a great friend you are to be there for this isn't easy because you risk losing them as your friend when you talk to them about something like this. Very cool. I will be praying for this girl.

    I know it can be hard to put one foot in front of the other when your feeling the way you, jobs, and feeling safe are important things...I've lived pay check to pay check for most of my life....and had to make the choices for simplicity and being creative with what I have and need out of you it isn't because of bad choices with my money or not working hard, it's more about finding or having a job that pays you what you are lack of education keeps me from this and even more, my lack of self confidence. :)

    I will be praying for you dear sweet girl...sending you many hugs, smiles and much love your direction. XXX :) Lori

  3. Hey, I noticed art as one of your interests, I started a new art blog maybe u'll like it! Thanks and keep up great work.