Sunday, March 13, 2011

Can't sleep

It's just after eleven, and I should have been asleep hours ago.  I work at five thirty tomorrow morning, which means I'm awake at four thirty at the latest. Ugh.

I actually work all AM shifts this week.  The upside of this is that it is a consistant schedule instead of having multiple turnarounds in one week... like this last week. 

I thought that my mono was clearing up.  I was feeling so much better.  I had energy even! 
But now I am sick again.  Just with a sinus infection, and it shouldn't last too long... but I can't deal with this exhaustion anymore!  I just need to be physically capable to do my job so I don't end up losing it because I can never be there.

More on jobs.... I am currently doing PR work for a non-profit dance association event.  That will last just through april, maybe a little into may.  And it is part time.
It feels good to work on something I enjoy.  And it is adding to my experience of working for non-profits!

The job search continues!  Admittedly, I am currently only applying to two jobs a week.  That is partly due to wanting to sleep every free second that I have, and also due to not being able to find postings of jobs that I am qualified for.
Unfortunately, it seems that you need five years of experience for an entry level job....
I find myself struggling to keep a positive attitude.  I have been looking for jobs for almost a year now.  In a few months, it will have been a year since I graduated... and I don't have a job. (or a 'real' job as my mom and sister would put it).
I am also struggling to not take out my frustrations on my mom and sister.  It just makes it hard when that seems to be all they want to talk about.  And when that is all I really have to talk about because that is all my life is... looking for jobs. 
I just can't help but feel like a failure.  My sister did it.  She already had a job when she was my age.  She was starting her carreer.  I'm just wasting away working menial jobs.  Thats what it feels like anyway.

I don't know if that is how she views me, or if I just view myself that way. 

I'm just sick of feeling bad for missing family events because I have to work weekends.  Because even though I can, some very few times, get a day off on the weekend, that is a whole shift that I miss.  That is a chunk of my small paycheck cut off.  I hate being put in these situations.  They really are no ones fault, but I feel like I'm the one getting blamed. 

I guess I just continue trying my best to find a job, any job, and to make time for my family. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh Kaitlyn..I understand more than you is so easy to compare ourselves...if you knew how often I have compared myself to my sisters and even my often I feel like I fall short in comparison to them..especially my 3 when I say what I say, it's as much to myself as it is to are only suppose to be have so many amazing qualities and are in the valley right now and when we are in the valley it's hard to see the light..we don't see clearly through the fog of the valley...what you are going through right now doesn't define you but it will teach you lessons to take with prayer is that you could see all that you are...and to be patient with yourself while your body fights to heal and as you seek a job.

    I know it has to be so frustrating to not find a job in the field you went to school for...since I have never been to college I can only imagine how frustrated you are...

    As always, please know that I am here for you...always here to listen...wish I lived closer to you. XX