Saturday, December 11, 2010

Oh the things that happen...

Just when I am deciding that things MUST get better, they get worse.  I was recently explaining to an out of touch friend what has been going on in my life lately and why I was moving.  Just in case any of you forgot it goes something like this: Crackheads. Car broken into. Crackheads. Rats. Breaking up with my boyfriend. Crackheads.
Well I guess I decided that another thing had to be added to that list, so I crashed my car.

Ok. ok.  Not entirely true.  The crash wasn't my fault.  And (thank God) no one was hurt other than being a little sore.
Different story entirely for my car... I don't even know if it is totaled yet because they are still looking up prices of parts.  They said it doesn't look good.

This all happened last Sunday when I was moving.  Yep.  All my stuff was in my car.  Luckily only a few things broke... like my laundry basket, a metal mixing bowl, a few little glass dish thingers, some art stuff, and my only plant died.  Broke right in half.  I'm SO happy that my albums and turn table were in my friends car, who was driving behind me and saw the whole thing happen.
She was so freaked out!  She pulled over right away, and the first thing I see when I look up is her running through a snow bank to see if I was okay!  :)  What a sweet friend!

Well, that last disaster was aparently what I needed to snap out of this funk.  I can't keep letting things build up.  I have to focus on the happier things in life.  And even though that is not easy, especially when I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend, it sure does pay off.
Shit happens.  I have to deal with it.

I will also admit that standing up for myself to insurance adjusters and dealing with the car mess all on my own felt amazing afterward.  For the first time, possible ever, I feel like I am okay alone.  I can take care of myself.
As much pity as I was seeking before, or maybe it wasn't pity... just some sort of understanding on at least one other persons part... I don't want any now.
It sucks about my car.  But I am taking care of it.  I am living in a safe place.  I am sleeping.  I am actively looking for jobs.
I am getting my life together, and I didn't even realize how fallen apart it really was.

I wish that I could say things between me and Jonathan were less complicated.  I am still struggling with that.  It is hard for me to get past feeling like I broke my home.

But like I said earlier, focusing on the good will help. 

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