Tuesday, December 28, 2010

So, why then?

If my heart breaks everytime I think about him, if I can't stop crying, if I hurt because I know I hurt him... then why did I break up with him?
I am fully aware that this is becoming the lamest possible blog ever created, but I can't help it.  I still find myself questioning if what I did  was right.  Or if I have more of a chance of being happy.
Some days, I'm okay. 
today, I am not. 
Today, I miss my home.  I want someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay.  I want someone to kiss me goodnight.  I want to belong somewhere, to have a family, a home, a life shared with someone.
I hurt.  And I don't know what to do.
I have felt like vomiting all day, and finally broke down in tears on my way home from work.  I bawled my frickin eyes out in my car, and now I just can't seem to stop.
I know time heals, but what if I made a mistake.
I feel bad for how things ended. 
I feel bad that I left him right before the holidays when he doesn't even have family in MN. 
Part of me just wants to call him but I know I need more time.

1 comment:

  1. ((((Kaitlyn)))) All I can say is that it does take time to get over things like this but also that if you and he are meant to be it will come together...maybe this time apart is for both of you to grow in area's that needed attention? Maybe you both need this time to figure out things?

    Going from point A to point B most often feels really messy and ugly and hurts like hell. I call these growing pains. I do know that when you reach point B, those things you felt in the mean time, are often gone. Often times we aren't even the same person we were at point A.

    It breaks my heart to hear that you were crying, yet I know that tears heal. I pray that these were healing tears and that they will help you get that much closer to point B.

    Sending you much love and hugs. XX