Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Watch out...

This will be a bit of a bitch fest pity party....

So my graduating class is having a FIVE year reunion.  Really?!  Anyway, there are a few people going who I would really like to see.  Like my wonderful friend who went to college in Seattle and I haven't seen for four years.  That would be pretty awesome.  My hesitation comes with seeing all the couples.
I don't know why or how, but everyone seems to be married and/or have kids. I certainly don't want this for my life yet, but honestly, I'm jealous. 
Thinking of all these people who are happy with families and babies and lovers shouldn't make me want to puke.. but that is my first reaction.
I'm happy that they have found things that make them happy.  I really am.
I'm not sure that seeing all of that would be the best thing for me right now. 
I had a home.  a familiy of two.  a garden. I was happy. I'm not now.

I threw all of it away, and regardless of the circumstances surrounding it, I have a hard time not missing those things.  I can't help feeling like I broke my home.  Another high school friend is getting married and I'm starting over.

I know it is stupid to be upset about this.  I'm only 23 and things will change, and I will be happy again. 
It just sucks for right now.  And I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach everytime I think about it.  Everytime I think about him.
Did I do the right thing? I can answer yes or no and wholeheartedly mean both.

On another note, if I haven't found a job by the end of February, I may move... to Hawaii... or Europe...

if the jobs aren't out there, I may as well live my life instead of waiting, right?

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