Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mentally Exhausted

As always I should be doing homework rather than blogging...
But I have that stupid, mental writers blockish thing going on again.
Mainly, I just can't make myself care about this class.
I liked the book we read, Mill on the Floss, a lot actually. But I just can't seem to write about it. These three page papers are turning out to be much harder than larger ones. Those are more interesting and more fun for me to write, therefore I actually have some motivation to write them. But these little ones, they have to be on something small enough to cover in three pages. Something with limited details, because I have to include all the details. I can't just write about part of a topic. I couldn't do that.
So now, here I am, writing about Mrs. Glegg, the character that I hated the most in the book. I am writing about how her acceptance of Maggie is necessary as part of Maggie's redemption. But it just feels so obvious and insignificant that I have no motivation whatsoever to write about it. I only have two paragraphs, and I have been sitting here for a half an hour. Generally, I would be on my second or third page by now.
It doesn't help that I am just so completely exhausted.
Monday night I ended up staying at work until 11:30. I had to go through all the left over valentines roses and throw away the dead ones (which smelled like dead animal) and count them, and also count the ones that I didn't throw away. Well, someone must have thought that we needed roses for the entire state, because I had to go through four palates (which had roughly 20 cases on them, about 16-20 bouquets in each case), then the hallway that was filled with boxes of them, and then all of the ones on the floor. Lets just say that I was doing that for about four hours. And as I said, they smelled bad.
Then when I got home I had to clean because our apartment had a showing the next day. Finished cleaning in the morning when I got up. Went to sign the lease on the new apartment. Went to class. Came home for about fifteen minutes. Ate. Went to another class, in downtown Minneapolis, but had to sit through traffic, then went to work for a meeting. Cleaned up after the meeting, then went home and did my lab homework and read fifty pages of Sense and Sensibility. Didn't get to bed until three. Got up at seven. Went to class. Grabbed coffee. Sat through lecture. Sat through lab. Rolled eyes at annoying TA. And now here I am. Eating lunch, blogging, and writing my paper. Today, I still have to finish this paper, do my homework for Ancient art before five when I go to ancient art, and then get out of class at 9pm. Read more of S&S, read my Archaeology homework, and edit my paper. Then hopefully get some sleep, wake up and work on my art project (I need 18 copies of the same 4 pages of content!), go to class until 4. And then I think I will sleep until Friday morning.

Busy week.

But before I get ahead of myself, I need to focus on this paper. I just don't know how to make it flow, or how to make it better than my last paper ( which was NOT a satisfactory grade). I really hate that I am letting this teacher get to me. I know that I shouldn't, and have actually been told that it is selfish of me to be angry with him... but I can't enjoy this class. He makes me too angry, and I don't know how to deal with it.
I love the books. More than I thought I would. But I don't get much of a chance to discuss them. Not when everything that I say is dismissed before I even finish a point. This is just a new experience for me to be disliked by a teacher, or really anyone in academia. Generally they see my interest and passion and hard work, and they respect that.
Anyway, what I am really interested in this book is Maggie's character. I can see so many aspects of myself in her, and I think that puts me a little too close to the book. That probably also contributes to why I am having a hard time writing critically about it.
I need to focus more on the progression of my argument and the flow between each point.
Alright, here I go....

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