Thursday, July 29, 2010


I haven't been writing much. But I have been reading! Even if I don't leave a comment, I am still following many of your blogs, and enjoy reading them so much!

Everything that I have written lately has been too angry to post on here. I'm actually not entirely sure where all this anger is coming from.

One thing, i'm sure, is stress. Money issues. I'm not broke. But I'm not really able to save anything or start paying my parents back yet. I'm not always getting enough hours at work.
I don't mind some of the cost cutting things i have ddone in the last year or two. Such as, I worn't buy anything from a department store. I don't need the clothes if they are going to cost more than twenty dollars. Thrift stores and consignment stores are my new best friends. And I LOVE that. I don't want to contribute to the wasteful economy.
But what is really stressful about this whole money thing then??
Maybe it's all in my head.

The weird thing is, I don't really feel stressed out. Yet I know I am. Am I making any sense?

I also know I have been depressed lately. Not stuck in the dark gloomy days that are severe depressive episodes... just a little off.

Well that is probably also to do with trying to find a job or internship in a field that I actually care about. Maybe I am being too picky... but I just feel like I have spent long enough doing things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things, and I want that to change. I am eager for that to change. And when I see how little opportunity there is out there for people like me, it makes me scared.

The other issue is friends. I have a lot of work friends. And while I wouldn't trade these people for anything in the world, they are mostly just that--work friends. I am starting to wish that I knew more people in similar situations as I. People who really care about people. People who care about the environment, God, or really just have a passion for something.
I so often feel that my generation is apathetic and ambivilant to the direction their lives take.

I'm just at a weird middle ground in my life right now.
I'm yearning for more substance in my life. More meaningful people.

I'm not so depressed, I think. Maybe it is just sadness. Being scared.
It's the anger that I worry about. I have had too short of a temper for the last few weeks. And I'm not good at expressing it. In fact, I usually cry when I get angry because I don't yell.
I dropped Jonathan off at the train station today. He is going to visit his parents for a family reunion. It's a surprise to his mom that he is coming. I think it's sweet.
I couldn't make it. Too short of notice for work, and I can't afford it.
He has been home so often recently that it is weird for him to be away.
I have a bad feeling about all this for some reason... I don't want to write out why because it sounds stupid... but I am just going to pray that his travels will be safe.


  1. I really relate to this post...I so often feel the same way. Anger usually turns into tears for me too although I can't claim to never yell...

    It's so hard to find true close friends. I've been lucky enough to find one (I have others but I just mean one really good, thinks along the same lines as me, friend.) and she is going to move to Texas soon which is just going to break my heart!

    Lately I've been thinking about how frugality and being environmentally conscious can often be one and the same. Should be really, some times people get stuck in the trap of buying even more things in order to feel as if they are being environmental when in fact they are still being just as wasteful. Of course we should buy the more earth friendly produces, when we need something. I just think people think they need stuff that they don't really need. I'm trying to raise my children with a strong understanding that they don't need everything they see, to be happy with what they have and to want good relationship with people over more junk in their lives. Maybe I should blog about it instead of writing a book in your comments...ha, ha! :)

  2. I think you are are kinda in the middle of things right now and that does tend to create a lot of emotions in us...fears, anger, sadness...ect...pretty normal but not fun by any means.

    Another thing that comes to me as I read this over is are a caring, loving, thinking and passionate woman...many young people your age aren't thinking about the things you are, which really is sad because eventually they will get to where you are and realize the wasted years...this leaves kinda alone like you are a friendly person so it has nothing to do with you...I think there are a lot of us out there that don't have the connections that we would like...sad isn't it?

    Living as you do...frugal and aware of the environment is so awesome...there will come a day that all the people that haven't learned how to do so, will be hurting and lost and be forced to learn.
    I hope that you continue on this journey that you are on...seeking out purpose and caring about others and our earth...I really do believe that something will come along for you....yet I know it is easy to panic or stress over it...ugh!

    I think that it's pretty neat that Jonathon went to surprise his mom...very sweet...too bad you couldn't have gone with...I hate when I have that uneasy feeling inside. I pray all goes well for him and that returns safely. :)

    I so enjoy reading what is on your mind Kaitlyn...don't get much time on the computer least not long at any single time...I miss writing and connecting with other you I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do, I rarely see.

    I'm so thankful for this moment of stopping by your place! Love you sweetie! XX

  3. Thank you so much for your wonderful comments!!

  4. You're expressing my feelings. It's amazing how different people at different places go through the same experience with life at a certain point.