As I am preparing for my last semester of college, I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. Anyone who has read anything that I have written on here already knows this, but it just keeps coming up. An acquaintance of mine from high school just posted a bunch of picture of her new home in Argentina. There she has friends from all over the world, and is living in a wonderful new culture and environment. I find that I am jealous. My cousin lives in Hawaii right now, and is opening her own restaurant in a few weeks. Also jealous. SO many people that I know just don't seem afraid to do what they want to do. I want a big life. I want to travel. Experience different cultures. Learn multiple languages. But I just don't know how to.
Sometimes I feel stuck. I have a life here, as small and insignificant as it may be. I have health insurance from the company that I work for. I even get benefits. I don't know how to just give that security up. I am in the process of looking for a job, but I haven't even though of looking for one outside of MN. Ultimately, I want to end up here. This is where I want to raise a family. But could I live somewhere else and then move back? I just don't know.
My boyfriend tells me that I worry too much about the future. I think he is right. I think that I should have some concern for it, but not make myself sick in thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Which is what I do. And what I don't know how to stop doing. I'm afraid that I wont live a big life. That I wont do the things that I want to do. That I will just get a job and settle down. Because that is what I am trying so hard to do. Because that is what you are supposed to do after college. And because that is what my family expects. But I am not sure that that is me.