Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Random thoughts

As I am preparing for my last semester of college, I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. Anyone who has read anything that I have written on here already knows this, but it just keeps coming up. An acquaintance of mine from high school just posted a bunch of picture of her new home in Argentina. There she has friends from all over the world, and is living in a wonderful new culture and environment. I find that I am jealous. My cousin lives in Hawaii right now, and is opening her own restaurant in a few weeks. Also jealous. SO many people that I know just don't seem afraid to do what they want to do. I want a big life. I want to travel. Experience different cultures. Learn multiple languages. But I just don't know how to.

Sometimes I feel stuck. I have a life here, as small and insignificant as it may be. I have health insurance from the company that I work for. I even get benefits. I don't know how to just give that security up. I am in the process of looking for a job, but I haven't even though of looking for one outside of MN. Ultimately, I want to end up here. This is where I want to raise a family. But could I live somewhere else and then move back? I just don't know.

My boyfriend tells me that I worry too much about the future. I think he is right. I think that I should have some concern for it, but not make myself sick in thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Which is what I do. And what I don't know how to stop doing. I'm afraid that I wont live a big life. That I wont do the things that I want to do. That I will just get a job and settle down. Because that is what I am trying so hard to do. Because that is what you are supposed to do after college. And because that is what my family expects. But I am not sure that that is me.

1 comment:

  1. Have you considered the Peace Corp? I think that something you should consider. You could travel the world and do alot of great things. I don't think your family expects you to settle down, they just want you to do what will make you Happy Kait. Just a thought from someone who loves reading your blog. Remember you don't have to have your whole life figured by the time you graduate this spring. Much love, Aunt Lynda. P.S, Love your music that you have on your blog.